Dividing by zero

So, of course, the work deadline morphs from “Uh, how the hell are we going to accomplish that step when the program needed to do it isn’t finished?” to “By the way, we’re doing this step on paper, and you need to submit within 2 working days.”  Wait, what?!  I maneuvered and shifted some items, but otherwise, built a perfect test form.  This sucker was psychometrically balanced, adhered to the curriculum standards, and even had some interest level for the students.  Voila!  It was such a good feeling, after busting tail on it for so long.

Right up until the bottom fell out.  See, a while back, in a meeting, the psychometrician told us quite clearly, to construct 2 free standing mini-selections with, and I quote, “four or five total language items attached.”  No problem, mon.  This is a forte of mine.  I whipped those out in no time, dropped them into the system, and poof, they are reviewed and ready.  However, when said psychometrician handed us the test form matrix, she pointed to an empty block of seven slots and said, “Just drop your language items in there.”  Sure, ok, no probl…wait.  Seven?  What seven?  You said “four or five.”  I have five!  Her answer was, “But didn’t I show you this matrix like a month ago?  Yes.  At the time, it was a “working document” and we weren’t shown where the language items would be.

Just effing kill me now, please.

I was devastated.  I worked so hard, and now I wasn’t going to make deadline at all.  And as I was scrambling, trying to find a solution, a conversation with the Silent One let both of us know that NOLA wasn’t going to be possible.  So my already ruined day got ruineder.  (Shut up.  I can make up a word once in a while if I damn well want to.)

Finally, by 2:30, I’d had it.  I filled out a leave slip, and went the hell home.  I’d written 2 supplemental items, but they are at step 4 out of 20.  NO way to get them ready on time.

So I pondered some alternatives, and have come up with some good ones.  In the mean time, the Silent One and I talked and apparently, the Flake had the wrong dates and now NOLA might just work after all!  Roller coaster of emotions, anyone?

Then I got to work this morning, and had an idea.  When I was futzing in the system yesterday, I noticed that a lot of the items that got trashed half way through the process were, indeed, language standard items.  So I went to the production supervisor and asked her to grab some holy water and resurrect the items back to Step 9 so I could edit them, tailoring them to the standards I needed.  Then shoved ’em back into the review system.  Now, they’ll take a bit to finish, as the TMS went home at noon yesterday with what she thought might be flu, but the situation is much, much better than it was yesterday, at least.

I’ve also recently discovered a love for Pandora Radio.  I listen by way of my phone, in the office, the car, wherever.  LOVE it.  Holy cow.  It’s especially helpful today, as my darling coworkers, who will sing out in praise of the LORD, were equating homesexual parents to pedophiles this morning.  Very nice.  I was swapping emails with the Scientist and cracked that I had, “Racists to the left of me,* homophobes on the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you!”

*his parents make racist comments and it drives me batty

Update: Just heard that despite the fact that my form is perfectly psychometrically balanced, I got called out in a meeting yesterday (I wasn’t even in there!) for having “too many” of one sub-standard, and not enough variety.  *facepalm*  Love it.  This is when I shake my head, roll my eyes, and say “whatthefuckever.”

 

Zip it!

Yesterday, I was musing over secrets and my tendency to keep my mouth shut.  Today, I found myself having one of the worst cases of Thought vs Word Disparity I’ve had in a long time.  You know how it goes — saying what you’re really thinking would get you fired, divorced, hated, slapped, shunned, with a few other possibilities thrown in.

So…

“Oh my GOD, please shut the fuck up, put your big girl panties on, and do your fucking job.  Stop whining about stuff we can’t change, stop making mountains out of molehills, and actually get something accomplished.  Maybe if you got your ass off the gossip/celebrity sites on the Internet, you would find the time to get some of your work done and you wouldn’t be so ‘overwhelmed’ with work.”

got translated into:

“Hey, I know you were really frustrated with the latest project that got dumped on us.  It’s actually not nearly as complicated as it seems to be at first glance.  Let me show you how I approached it and maybe it’ll help ease things for you.”

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And…

“If you grow a pair of testicles and actually attempt to stand up for your team, maybe that team wouldn’t resent the very fact that you breathe the same oxygen as they do.  Instead, you act like a narc, a rat with nothing better to do than purse your fish-lips and pretend to be involved with the actual work that’s going on all around you, all the while just looking for stupid ways to be authoritative.”

was translated into…

“I know it’s really tough to feel uninvolved with our team’s processes and timelines.  If there’s any way I can help with that, just let me know.”

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And obviously, this…

“Your kid is an arrogant, narcissistic, irresponsible, immature asshole who thinks it’s acceptable to disrespect adults and treat people like shit for no reason other than his own misplaced superiority complex.  If you’d act like a parent instead of someone who worships the ground he walks on as your only son, maybe he wouldn’t be such an abysmal specimen of humanity.  And as for his prowess on the pitch, your mention of scouts made me choke on my tea.  The scouts will see a player who waits for the ball to be delivered to him on a silver platter, loses it constantly with fancy footwork that is poorly executed, acts like a prima donna when he does score, and who already has several yellow cards this season for dirty fouls and mouthing off to the ref.  He’s an asshole.  And you raised him that way.  Congratulations.”

was much better received when it came out like this…

“He’s such a spirited young man!  I know how proud you must be of him.  And yes, I know the scouts generally want videos, but if you’d like some stills, I’d be happy to provide those.”

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I could go on, but you get the drift.  I used to say that as a Special Education teacher that a huge part of my job was to translate material into basic, simple words that kids with learning disabilities could understand.  Some days, I’m really quite grateful for my talents as a translator.  It keeps me out of a lot of trouble!

I feel the need…the need…for…sleep?

Things have been absolutely insane around here.  I realize this is nothing new, but it seems almost more chaotic than usual.  Part of this is the fact that several soccer games were rained out, and had to be dropped into the season’s already packed schedule for make-ups.  The Ambassador is stressing out because his school work is quite hard, and he’s getting real tired trying to keep up, but like I keep reassuring him, the season is done in 11 days.  The Artist and the Professor both have college exams going on right now, along with their usual papers and projects to do.

Weekends are packed for right now, as well, but they too, ease off when the last of the candy corn and Jack-O-Lanterns are cleaned up.  Fall break for the girls was last weekend, and Jay’s roommate came home with her to stay.  The Poet is a sweet girl; she fit right into the family seamlessly, even following along with our crazy sense of humor.  This weekend, the girls and the Scientist are ziplining as an early Christmas gift.  The Ambassador can’t join, as he’s acrophobic, and I can’t either with my knee, but I’ll be in tow with Alejandro (who is, by the way, ecstatic about this excursion!) to capture the action.  Next weekend is the Professor’s feis in Charlotte, and the Writer is coming down from Minnesoooooota to join us.  Cannot wait to see her!  Then on the 29^th, Girlyman is in town and we will go spend an evening relaxing as a family with some phenomenal music. We baked for them last year when they performed here, and will again.  But I’m not sure what I’ll make this year.

And then, we have November.  Aaahhhh.  No plans on any weekends yet, no sports to attend, nothing to rush off to after work.  I will have time to work out in the evenings, we will have a routine in the house again, I’ll actually cook instead of having dinner on the bleachers three nights a week.  Bliss, I tell you.  I’ll get my bulbs into the ground and my gardens mulched, hopefully get the closets cleaned out and stuff taken to Goodwill, and just relax.

Work isn’t any more insane than usual, but we do have project deadlines coming down the pipe.  Luckily, for once my stuff is done ahead of time, and I will not be the redheaded step-child.  I generally have system issues, or whatever, like most people, but I’ve clashed with a few certain DPI people in the past, and they hold grudges like no one I’ve ever seen.  Not surprising, but whatever.  Right now, I’m actually the eye of the hurricane as my teammates are nowhere near ready, and our content lead is tweaking out because people higher up the food chain have gotten some misinformation and are pushing in the opposite direction than we need to go.  Just stupid, really.  If they would stop and think first, they would’ve realized that what they were asserting wasn’t even possible.  Duh.  Honestly, people.

So in a few weeks, life will settle down, I will catch up on sleep, my house will get cleaned the way I want it, the gardens will be done, wars will end, there will be enough food for everyone…oh wait, I think I got a little ahead of myself there for a second.

Aaaanyhow.

Until that time?  The spiral spazziness of my existence continues.