Random equations in the mathematics of life

Posts tagged ‘stupidity’

Dividing by zero

So, of course, the work deadline morphs from “Uh, how the hell are we going to accomplish that step when the program needed to do it isn’t finished?” to “By the way, we’re doing this step on paper, and you need to submit within 2 working days.”  Wait, what?!  I maneuvered and shifted some items, but otherwise, built a perfect test form.  This sucker was psychometrically balanced, adhered to the curriculum standards, and even had some interest level for the students.  Voila!  It was such a good feeling, after busting tail on it for so long.

Right up until the bottom fell out.  See, a while back, in a meeting, the psychometrician told us quite clearly, to construct 2 free standing mini-selections with, and I quote, “four or five total language items attached.”  No problem, mon.  This is a forte of mine.  I whipped those out in no time, dropped them into the system, and poof, they are reviewed and ready.  However, when said psychometrician handed us the test form matrix, she pointed to an empty block of seven slots and said, “Just drop your language items in there.”  Sure, ok, no probl…wait.  Seven?  What seven?  You said “four or five.”  I have five!  Her answer was, “But didn’t I show you this matrix like a month ago?  Yes.  At the time, it was a “working document” and we weren’t shown where the language items would be.

Just effing kill me now, please.

I was devastated.  I worked so hard, and now I wasn’t going to make deadline at all.  And as I was scrambling, trying to find a solution, a conversation with the Silent One let both of us know that NOLA wasn’t going to be possible.  So my already ruined day got ruineder.  (Shut up.  I can make up a word once in a while if I damn well want to.)

Finally, by 2:30, I’d had it.  I filled out a leave slip, and went the hell home.  I’d written 2 supplemental items, but they are at step 4 out of 20.  NO way to get them ready on time.

So I pondered some alternatives, and have come up with some good ones.  In the mean time, the Silent One and I talked and apparently, the Flake had the wrong dates and now NOLA might just work after all!  Roller coaster of emotions, anyone?

Then I got to work this morning, and had an idea.  When I was futzing in the system yesterday, I noticed that a lot of the items that got trashed half way through the process were, indeed, language standard items.  So I went to the production supervisor and asked her to grab some holy water and resurrect the items back to Step 9 so I could edit them, tailoring them to the standards I needed.  Then shoved ’em back into the review system.  Now, they’ll take a bit to finish, as the TMS went home at noon yesterday with what she thought might be flu, but the situation is much, much better than it was yesterday, at least.

I’ve also recently discovered a love for Pandora Radio.  I listen by way of my phone, in the office, the car, wherever.  LOVE it.  Holy cow.  It’s especially helpful today, as my darling coworkers, who will sing out in praise of the LORD, were equating homesexual parents to pedophiles this morning.  Very nice.  I was swapping emails with the Scientist and cracked that I had, “Racists to the left of me,* homophobes on the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you!”

*his parents make racist comments and it drives me batty

Update: Just heard that despite the fact that my form is perfectly psychometrically balanced, I got called out in a meeting yesterday (I wasn’t even in there!) for having “too many” of one sub-standard, and not enough variety.  *facepalm*  Love it.  This is when I shake my head, roll my eyes, and say “whatthefuckever.”


Imaginary Numbers

Nearly two years ago*, I had an idea.

I played with it, refined it a little, and broached it with a few certain friends who would have a very informed opinion on it. and who would also be brutally honest about it.   They raved about it.

I then casually mentioned it to a few professionals in the field who could possibly have use of it.  They too, raved about it.

I explained it in some detail to an expert in how to Make It Happen, and she raved as well.  She said it was original, and extremely marketable.

So why the hell isn’t it in play?  Because I sabotaged myself.  I have no other excuse but that.

There were circumstances, yes.  My father died, my marriage hit the wood chipper, there was dissension among some family members, my job became even more toxic both emotionally and physically, my mother’s health started to slip, and the list goes on.  But the bottom line is that I failed to prioritize something that has the potential to solve the job issue, and to make me really, really happy.  I have the chance to do something that I would truly love to do, that would have a real impact on real kids in the education world.  And yet, I let it sit, dormant and yearning to be realized.

Erika Napoletano is a blogger whose writing I avidly follow. She posted a link on her Facebook page the other day to this incredible article that really knocked me on my ass.  I read it twice, three times, and realized just how badly I’d crippled myself with my unbelievable fear of failure.  What if I do this and it doesn’t fly?  What if I invest all of this time, energy, creative passion into, and it gets laughed back onto the street?  What if, what if, what if?

I decided then and there that I was done living so far up the ass of fear that my own dreams slip away.  That is not the example I want to set for my kids.  The Professor is majoring in Entrepreneurship for fuck’s sake.  How much more courageous do you get?  The Artist is diving headlong into a double major and a fascinating future path.  And my Ambassador?  Like his sisters, he graduates at age 16, and after his requisite stint at community college, plans to cross the pond for his university experience.  So apparently, I’ve raised independent, courageous, amazing kids.  How the hell did I manage it when I haven’t gotten my own fears conquered?

It’s time.  I have the basic structure sketched out, I’m pondering the details every spare second (my hour-long commute makes for great think-time!), and my beach weekend over Christmas will be spent putting the model together.  Then to work on the marketing and outlines for continuity.  It’s time for me to make this happen, and come hell or high water (or frigid temperatures, right now!), I will have this.

*an absolutely shameful amount of time!

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