Integral options

The whole “New Years Resolution” thing doesn’t do it for me.  I guess I just see them as things that get broken easily, leading to feeling like a failure, and what’s the point in that?  Nada.  I’ve explained before how I choose three gifts to give myself, and then I see it as a positive thing to work towards achieving.

Last year, my gifts dealt with improving my health and strength, getting a new job, and increasing my photography skills.  I successfully gave myself two of the three.  I truly, truly tried to give myself the new job, and almost had it there back in September, but didn’t quite make it.  Thus, it rolls over to this year.  This is especially important as everything I read in the news from the economists says that gas is going to hit $4/gal this summer.  In short, it will render my job cost INeffective.  I spend so much money in gas every month that money is tight before payday.  If gas is going up by $1/gal?   I don’t know how I will be able to balance that.  It has me profoundly worried, to be honest, since the job market has been so scarce that I have been stuck here this long.

I lost more weight, and made it to my goal jeans size (as opposed to a number on the scale).  I’m happy with it; but I would like to tone a bit more, and improve my core strength some more as well.  So this will partially roll over too, but it will also include getting rid of this stupid ear/sinus mess that no drug has been able to get rid of yet.  Still not sure about that surgery, though.  There’s just something a little too daunting about people playing with knives near my airway.

My photography skills definitely improved this year; obviously there is always more to learn, more to master, more to explore, and I’ll continue to do so.  But the third gift is going to focus solely around getting the Project off the ground and running.  I made some good headway while at the beach, and I need to keep on that.  It just needs to be made a priority, and be kept there.

I’d like to work on streamlining and simplifying a bit as well this year, so we’ll see how that goes.  I cleaned out a bunch of crap and trash from our room, and plan to do more as I can.  When designing quilts, I’m really trying to use fabrics that I already own instead of traipsing off to Joann’s every time.  Not that Joann’s isn’t a blissful hangout for me, but when the finances are stumbling, as I mentioned above, it doesn’t make good sense.

I like giving myself these gifts; it makes me prioritize myself sometimes, which I am so not good at doing.  It forces me to look at my life on a daily basis, and ask myself if this is where I want to be in my head, in my heart.  I don’t always like the answer I’m forced to give, but when I face it, I can make the changes I need to make to fix it.

There are definitely things that weigh on my mind, still.  Questions linger, and doubts erode my confidence.  I guess those are the things I still need to confront, though, if I have the courage and the strength.