OK, so not really…but the math concept works. Shut up.
So last week, I posted a blog on why I hate marriage. (Read that one first if you haven’t yet, or you’ll be clueless as to what the heck I’m talking about here.) I got some interesting responses, almost all of which were sent privately. (No, I would never call those people out!) I guess reading a hard topic is bad enough, but agreeing with it in public is even harder. Not that I blame them, really; it was hard enough for me to write!
One question that came up, and I guess I should’ve clarified in that previous post, is whether or not I am not filing for divorce. The immediate answer is “No.” It would be interminably stupid of me to screw us both over financially at our ages when we work just fine together as friends. And yes, I do realize that it kind of flies in the face of my last post to say that. Our relationship is non-traditional enough to support the boundaries that we set to it, so if we find other things that need to change, we can work it out. The Scientist dates whomever he pleases, as do I, and at the end of the day, the friendship that we built, destroyed, and built again stays solid.
But then, how do I find a balance between straining against the leash and leaving the stability alone? Not sure yet. I know I’ve been unhappy lately, and I also know that it is almost entirely due to my work situation. I’m trying to change that, but the simple fact that the unemployment rate in my state hovers around 10% is rather detrimental to that goal. So while I have seen other people around me getting new jobs, I have been unsuccessful so far. I’m working really hard to make it happen, and won’t rest til it does. In the meantime, I find joy in the rest of my life. My kids are, as always, my whole world. I love talking to them, laughing with them, just watching them mature into the amazing adults I see. I also seek solace in spending time with Alejandro, which is always a Very Good Thing(tm).
As for the rest of it, I still feel like I’m wandering in the mist. I can’t see the path, and I don’t know where I’m headed, but all I can do is keep moving in a direction that I think is forward, and deal with any obstacles I encounter as I meet them. I’d like to think I’ll find my way out, but for now, even that’s wholly uncertain. I have to reach the clearing eventually, right?