Random equations in the mathematics of life

Posts tagged ‘chaos’

Off on a tangent

OK, so not really…but the math concept works.  Shut up.

So last week, I posted a blog on why I hate marriage.  (Read that one first if you haven’t yet, or you’ll be clueless as to what the heck I’m talking about here.)  I got some interesting responses, almost all of which were sent privately.  (No, I would never call those people out!)  I guess reading a hard topic is bad enough, but agreeing with it in public is even harder.  Not that I blame them, really; it was hard enough for me to write!

One question that came up, and I guess I should’ve clarified in that previous post, is whether or not I am not filing for divorce.  The immediate answer is “No.”  It would be interminably stupid of me to screw us both over financially at our ages when we work just fine together as friends.  And yes, I do realize that it kind of flies in the face of my last post to say that.  Our relationship  is non-traditional enough to support the boundaries that we set to it, so if we find other things that need to change, we can work it out.  The Scientist dates whomever he pleases, as do I, and at the end of the day, the friendship that we built, destroyed, and built again stays solid.

But then, how do I find a balance between straining against the leash and leaving the stability alone?  Not sure yet.  I know I’ve been unhappy lately, and I also know that it is almost entirely due to my work situation.  I’m trying to change that, but the simple fact that the unemployment rate in my state hovers around 10% is rather detrimental to that goal.  So while I have seen other people around me getting new jobs, I have been unsuccessful so far.  I’m working really hard to make it happen, and won’t rest til it does.  In the meantime, I find joy in the rest of my life.  My kids are, as always, my whole world.  I love talking to them, laughing with them, just watching them mature into the amazing adults I see.  I also seek solace in spending time with Alejandro, which is always a Very Good Thing(tm).

As for the rest of it, I still feel like I’m wandering in the mist.  I can’t see the path, and I don’t know where I’m headed, but all I can do is keep moving in a direction that I think is forward, and deal with any obstacles I encounter as I meet them.  I’d like to think I’ll find my way out, but for now, even that’s wholly uncertain.  I have to reach the clearing eventually, right?


Dividing by zero

So, of course, the work deadline morphs from “Uh, how the hell are we going to accomplish that step when the program needed to do it isn’t finished?” to “By the way, we’re doing this step on paper, and you need to submit within 2 working days.”  Wait, what?!  I maneuvered and shifted some items, but otherwise, built a perfect test form.  This sucker was psychometrically balanced, adhered to the curriculum standards, and even had some interest level for the students.  Voila!  It was such a good feeling, after busting tail on it for so long.

Right up until the bottom fell out.  See, a while back, in a meeting, the psychometrician told us quite clearly, to construct 2 free standing mini-selections with, and I quote, “four or five total language items attached.”  No problem, mon.  This is a forte of mine.  I whipped those out in no time, dropped them into the system, and poof, they are reviewed and ready.  However, when said psychometrician handed us the test form matrix, she pointed to an empty block of seven slots and said, “Just drop your language items in there.”  Sure, ok, no probl…wait.  Seven?  What seven?  You said “four or five.”  I have five!  Her answer was, “But didn’t I show you this matrix like a month ago?  Yes.  At the time, it was a “working document” and we weren’t shown where the language items would be.

Just effing kill me now, please.

I was devastated.  I worked so hard, and now I wasn’t going to make deadline at all.  And as I was scrambling, trying to find a solution, a conversation with the Silent One let both of us know that NOLA wasn’t going to be possible.  So my already ruined day got ruineder.  (Shut up.  I can make up a word once in a while if I damn well want to.)

Finally, by 2:30, I’d had it.  I filled out a leave slip, and went the hell home.  I’d written 2 supplemental items, but they are at step 4 out of 20.  NO way to get them ready on time.

So I pondered some alternatives, and have come up with some good ones.  In the mean time, the Silent One and I talked and apparently, the Flake had the wrong dates and now NOLA might just work after all!  Roller coaster of emotions, anyone?

Then I got to work this morning, and had an idea.  When I was futzing in the system yesterday, I noticed that a lot of the items that got trashed half way through the process were, indeed, language standard items.  So I went to the production supervisor and asked her to grab some holy water and resurrect the items back to Step 9 so I could edit them, tailoring them to the standards I needed.  Then shoved ’em back into the review system.  Now, they’ll take a bit to finish, as the TMS went home at noon yesterday with what she thought might be flu, but the situation is much, much better than it was yesterday, at least.

I’ve also recently discovered a love for Pandora Radio.  I listen by way of my phone, in the office, the car, wherever.  LOVE it.  Holy cow.  It’s especially helpful today, as my darling coworkers, who will sing out in praise of the LORD, were equating homesexual parents to pedophiles this morning.  Very nice.  I was swapping emails with the Scientist and cracked that I had, “Racists to the left of me,* homophobes on the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you!”

*his parents make racist comments and it drives me batty

Update: Just heard that despite the fact that my form is perfectly psychometrically balanced, I got called out in a meeting yesterday (I wasn’t even in there!) for having “too many” of one sub-standard, and not enough variety.  *facepalm*  Love it.  This is when I shake my head, roll my eyes, and say “whatthefuckever.”



Lately, my sanity is starting to feel like a car windshield that got nicked on the highway.

You’re cruising along and *thwack* a teeny little pebble gets kicked up at the glass.  Not even noticeable, really.  Just a little mark.

Later that week, you go to fill the gas tank, and while you’re washing the windows, you notice that little scuff it actually a ding.  A tiny chunk out of the glass, but really no big deal.

About a month later, you wander out to go to work on a chilly morning, and hey!  When did that little crack get there?  Huh…oh right.  That chunk of glass must’ve worked its way through.  Well damn.  But eh, it’s ok.  It’s just a sliver.

Another few weeks go by, and the sliver is now starting to wander across the short side of the windshield width.  Crap!  Gotta get that fixed, pronto!

Another frosty morning and your windshield now looks like a beautiful spider’s web.  And you quickly realize that the structural integrity of your windshield has vanished.

That’s where I’m headed right about now.

I feel the need…the need…for…sleep?

Things have been absolutely insane around here.  I realize this is nothing new, but it seems almost more chaotic than usual.  Part of this is the fact that several soccer games were rained out, and had to be dropped into the season’s already packed schedule for make-ups.  The Ambassador is stressing out because his school work is quite hard, and he’s getting real tired trying to keep up, but like I keep reassuring him, the season is done in 11 days.  The Artist and the Professor both have college exams going on right now, along with their usual papers and projects to do.

Weekends are packed for right now, as well, but they too, ease off when the last of the candy corn and Jack-O-Lanterns are cleaned up.  Fall break for the girls was last weekend, and Jay’s roommate came home with her to stay.  The Poet is a sweet girl; she fit right into the family seamlessly, even following along with our crazy sense of humor.  This weekend, the girls and the Scientist are ziplining as an early Christmas gift.  The Ambassador can’t join, as he’s acrophobic, and I can’t either with my knee, but I’ll be in tow with Alejandro (who is, by the way, ecstatic about this excursion!) to capture the action.  Next weekend is the Professor’s feis in Charlotte, and the Writer is coming down from Minnesoooooota to join us.  Cannot wait to see her!  Then on the 29th, Girlyman is in town and we will go spend an evening relaxing as a family with some phenomenal music. We baked for them last year when they performed here, and will again.  But I’m not sure what I’ll make this year.

And then, we have November.  Aaahhhh.  No plans on any weekends yet, no sports to attend, nothing to rush off to after work.  I will have time to work out in the evenings, we will have a routine in the house again, I’ll actually cook instead of having dinner on the bleachers three nights a week.  Bliss, I tell you.  I’ll get my bulbs into the ground and my gardens mulched, hopefully get the closets cleaned out and stuff taken to Goodwill, and just relax.

Work isn’t any more insane than usual, but we do have project deadlines coming down the pipe.  Luckily, for once my stuff is done ahead of time, and I will not be the redheaded step-child.  I generally have system issues, or whatever, like most people, but I’ve clashed with a few certain DPI people in the past, and they hold grudges like no one I’ve ever seen.  Not surprising, but whatever.  Right now, I’m actually the eye of the hurricane as my teammates are nowhere near ready, and our content lead is tweaking out because people higher up the food chain have gotten some misinformation and are pushing in the opposite direction than we need to go.  Just stupid, really.  If they would stop and think first, they would’ve realized that what they were asserting wasn’t even possible.  Duh.  Honestly, people.

So in a few weeks, life will settle down, I will catch up on sleep, my house will get cleaned the way I want it, the gardens will be done, wars will end, there will be enough food for everyone…oh wait, I think I got a little ahead of myself there for a second.


Until that time?  The spiral spazziness of my existence continues.

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