Every time we go into a therapy session, our shrink (whom I adore!) always asks how things are going in each of our lives and then how we’re doing “as a couple.” We always kinda stammer and stutter at this, never really knowing how to answer. We’re not fighting much, but we also spend very little time together. He has stuff going on, I have stuff going on. We share space at night, but during the day, we lead very separate lives. Weekends tend to progress in much the same way, with the exception of when we do stuff with the kids as a whole family.
Now, don’t get me wrong: this isn’t a matter of avoidance. It’s merely that we just have other stuff to do, and that stuff doesn’t really include the other person. I got thinking about it while driving today (big surprise, right?) and I think the concept that works best to describe things with us is Parallel Play. (Yes, this is seen in toddlers; it’s a corollary, people!) I first learned about the concept in one of the many psych/child development courses I took as a student, and it genuinely does seem like an apt description.
There’s very little animosity there, and there is interaction between us, but we’re both basically just doing our own thing. I’m ok with this; just wish I could read his mind to know if he is as well. And it isn’t an extreme thing, either: it isn’t like we never talk or hang out. It’s just not a common occurrence. Strange though that allegory seems, though, I think it’s the best way I can describe us right now, and will probably be my answer when we’re asked next week.
I guess it’s one more piece of evidence to prove I spend way too much time in my head sometimes. =)